It's about courage, i.e. the blog’s 8th birthday

I used to write for you under the name From under the blanket - anonymously. Today I am not ashamed of writing and I proudly sign photos and texts with my name, and my blog has become an important part of my life. This path, however, was not easy. What was I afraid of? How did it happen that you know my name, surname and face today?

 

I've never celebrated a blog's birthday - I just forgot about it. Only last year did I make a note of which day it was. May 9, 2012 - it was then that the first post appeared on the blog Spod kocyka, and I took a small step towards the life I lead today.

 

Today I want to tell you a story about why it was created. I will tell you why I wrote it anonymously and how it happened that you now know my name and what I look like. And most importantly: what has this disclosure of identity changed in my, our life - and it has changed a lot - and what has it taught us. I thought that it would be an inspiration for you and maybe it will be motivation, be no longer afraid of what you enjoy.

 

 

The dream of writing

For many years I have been "on the other side". I read blogs - Polish and foreign, commented, raved about. I felt that I also had a lot to offer my readers, that I really wanted to become part of a larger community - share my thoughts, attract people who think together, motivate and develop together. I want to grow and share it, but I was scared.

 

 

What was I afraid of?

In 2012 I was already a businesswoman. I ran a company for 5 years, ran a wedding portal, where I employed employees, headed the sales team, dealt with the company's strategy. For two years I also had a Wedding Factory, I was a Wedding Planner and for the first time I sold my entire season. And a group of friends I thought were friends.

 

So when I started the blog, I didn't tell anyone. I was afraid. What?

 

First of all, my friends' reactions, I felt more and more often that our interests diverge and nobody is interested in what I am talking about. My stories about the composition of cosmetics did not interest anyone, and even amused. I was afraid that if they see that I am still writing about it, they will even recognize it I do stupid things, because what normal, adult and serious person is writing about how to fold towels in the bathroom to make them look elegant? - he was about it my first post.

 

Secondly, I was afraid that they would say that I was vain. Because I show my interior, a piece of my life.

 

I will say more: about starting a blog, I didn't even tell my husband. And if you are watching me, you probably know that my relationship with Wojtek is very close and very friendly - and if you don't know, that's what I told you about it. I can't believe myself now that I didn't believe in myselfthat I did not say that I am writing, even to the person closest to me.

 

The paradox is that my husband runs an interactive agency, so if I told him he would certainly help me make this blog top notch. And I ... I created a blog on the free blogspot platform so as not to tell my husband what I am doing.

 

The first act of courage - the decision

Despite all these fears, however I decided to take this first step. It wasn't a deep-water jump, but… putting my finger in the pool I was so afraid to enter. The first step was completely on its own terms.

 

I called my blog: From under the blanket. Maybe you still remember his name. In fact, I changed my name to AgnieszkaKudela.pl only in 2016 - after 4 years of my blog's operation. Some people think it was called that because I have two children and the blog has a lot of parenting content, and kids like blankets. Well, not only children! 😉 The truth is that I really liked spending time under the blanket - it has not changed so far, I have a blanket in every room, and even in the office, I like to sit under it and write to you (I even do it now) or work or simply relaxing with a cup of hot fruit tea. Now I feel that this blanket was also a metaphor for my hiding, a secret that I was hiding ...

 

 

The second act of courage - the first initiate

Has become. I told Wojtek. I showed him my blog Spod a blanket. Do you know what he said then? "Cool! And it is very good that you write it anonymously. He shared my concerns about my friends' reactions - he had the same objections.

 

We did not notice then that there was some unhealthy situation - we keep in touch with people (and - even - we consider them friends) to whom we do not tell about what is in our soul, about what makes us happy, because we are so afraid of their reactions. These fears arose on the basis of our conversations about the surrounding world, previous experiences and reflections.

 

To this day, I remember writing this blog in secret from my friends, and before the publication of each post, Wojtek helped me assess whether I was showing too much ...

 

 

Third act of courage - first public appearance

A year passed from under the blanket. She talked to me Marysia Kunicka - then running the blog art attack {be inspired}. She wrote that she really liked my blog and would like it invite me to a meeting of Tri-City bloggers. I was picking my jaw from the floor. Wow, someone found me, noticed me, appreciated me, invited me to a meeting!

 

Of course, I went to the meeting in great emotions. Nobody knew me, nobody knew me, because I ran my blog anonymously. I remember how stressed I was - there was a whole cream of Tri-City bloggers that I read or watched. Great joy - to be in such a place, with such people ... I did not even mind that I cannot show it to any of my friends, my fear was greater.

 

In thanks to the place where the meeting was organized, each participant submitted signature on the poster. Of course, I was happy to sign it - I don't remember if I just added the name of the blog or added the last name. The stairs started later: everyone was supposed to take pictures. When I found out about it, I started to get hot. The photos, of course, were to be uploaded on Facebook, and we were tagged. There was only one thought in my head - everyone will know, my world will collapse!

 

Then I approached Marysia, confided in her that I was writing anonymously and nobody knew about it, I asked her to stay that way, so that she would not mark me by name. Notice - I trusted my friends less than a person I didn't know. Oddly enough, I still haven't gotten the red light on - I haven't noticed that these relationships with my friends aren't as they should be - they're not based on trust.

 

As I wished, Marysia did not mark me by name, she only signed my photo as "Under the blanket". I remember how much I was afraid of the reactions of those around me. And you know what happened? But it did speak to me a few high school friends who recognized me in these photos - and it was all very nice news!

 

 

It seemed!

I wore Instagram From under the blanketand in the meantime our friends invited us to the birthday of one of them. We were meeting with whole families then, we already had a little son - Mikołaj was then about 2 months old. We went to dinner and I remember that the atmosphere was very stiff - we couldn't find ourselves there, we wondered where this sudden change came from ... Suddenly our friends said they wanted to talk to us about something ...

 

The question was, how could we not tell them that we have a blog? One of the friends found an Under blanket on Instagram, called the next one, the next and another, they passed on to their partners and husbands and recognized that everyone would be offended at us. They complained to us that we had hidden it from them and decided that we should stop being friends.

 

It was one of the worst days of my life. When we got home, I couldn't even breathe, I cried, I didn't know what would happen next. We went to this meeting to celebrate the birthday of one of them with our friends, and we left… now without friends.

 

It turned out that not only without friends. We also conducted part of the business with them - until the split also occurred in this businessWhat seemed to me then the end of the world ... and in practice, made me and my husband come up with even more creative ideas for him in his new version.

 

 

Happiness came with time

When I think about it today - I smile - and to this friend who discovered our secret and shared it with others, sometimes I feel like send a bouquet of flowers. And even more - deserves a diamond ring! I am so glad these accounts fell apart ... Why?

 

Bo what I was afraid of happened - that it seems that they will laugh at me, that I will lose my friends. Yes - I lost my friends. But you know what I gained?

 

I began to flourish in life. I started to do what is playing in my soul. I will say more: it turned out that the more authentic we are, the more people we attract, but also push away from each other - there is nothing wrong with that either. It is brilliant because thanks to the fact that I stopped being afraid and started to do what I love at ease, without fear that it will come out, I began to meet people who broadcast on the same waves, feel and think just like me. And even if they don't think - we have so much respect for each other, care and sympathy that we have very good relations.

 

 

Future applications and advice for you

I am now writing an author blog, in harmony with myself. I write about what I want, I only show what is consistent with my ideals, my approach to life. I am happy, I have a great audience, we have great relationships and a super support group on Facebook. A community has formed around the blog, readers interact with each other and help each other.

 

The lack of courage at the time meant that the road to my happiness in blogging and community support was very long and bumpy.

 

That's why I have advice for you. If you are afraid to jump into deep water because you are worried it will spoil your relationship - stop being afraid, just do it. Perhaps you will quickly get rid of people who do not serve you, who block and inhibit you.

 

If you look at how much my business has flourished since it all seemed, you'll see that it was springboard to the success that I achieved. Finally, I stopped looking at others not only about the blog, but also about doing business and making money.

 

Of course - some fears still arose - this is work on yourself for many years.

 

And I would like to add that the couple with whom we were friends for the longest ... came back to our lives and today we laugh at it all and we are happy with the changes for the better in all of us.

 

Courage does not have to be a jump into deep water - although it may be. Could be dipping your finger into the pool - as was my case. But most importantly this is find courage. Close your eyes and act - simply. You'll see that whatever you lose along the way will make room for new ones that are more suited to you. We as humans are also changing. Thanks to this, we act authentically, we push away things that do not suit us and attract those that are consistent with us.

 

We are also in this situation now: we are parting ways with a certain person - yes, I am sorry for that, especially since I imagined it differently, I thought that we would still be able to remain in good relations - unfortunately the other party sees it differently. Today, instead of crying about it, I say to myself: "Aguś, the time you devoted to this relationship and the heart you put into it, you can devote to getting closer in relationships with people you already have in your life, and this time you are missing ". Or: "Aguś, see, there will be room in your life for the fact that when another, valuable relationship appears, you will be able to take care of it."

 

Today, this little sadness is in my heart, but I look forward to the future.

 

Each "no" means "yes" to something else.

 

I try to fill every gap that arises after closing a relationship with one person by caring for the relationship with other people. Mother's Day is approaching. On this occasion, Wojtek and I decided to spend a special time with our mothers, which are very important to us and devote a lot more time to it than usual.

 

Yes, that's right - these pushbacks are painful. But if you start to view them as an opportunity, to make room for something new, new situations and relationships, or to care for those that are already there but are a bit neglected, maybe it will be soothing and cleansing for you.

 

 

Today, to sum up these 8 years, I just want to write one thing to you: THANK YOU FOR YOU.

 

 

And you? Since when are you with me? Do you remember what your first read post was? Or maybe this is the post I inspired you to jump into the deep water?