Breastfeeding for the first and second time

breastfeeding pain overlay parenting blog

I was preparing for the first delivery and birth of the child in every possible way. I believe that good organization, knowledge and intuition is an ideal mix that brings us closer to success, minimizes the fear of the unknown and significantly increases our chances of success. That's why I was so surprised how difficult and not natural at all (at least for me) breastfeeding turned out to be.


Thinking about the child I was carrying under my heart, I imagined endless kisses, hugs, walks and games together. Breastfeeding was not something I dreamed of, but rather a sense of duty to this tiny Man and a desire to best meet his needs. Without a doubt, this natural feeding best meets not only the need for nutrition, but also several other, no less important. I decided to prepare myself best for the topic.


Breastfeeding for the first time it was very difficult for me from start to finish. Despite great preparation (fantastic workshops "Just a midwife" with midwife Ewa Janiuk and Agnieszka Maciąg, individual classes at our birth school at home with the wonderful Karolina Kardasz from Majka's Birth Schools, numerous publications and books about breastfeeding, etc.), when I was breastfeeding for the first time, I felt terrible about the topic every day. This is why, while waiting for the next child, I summed up all the experiences that could have influenced such a state and eliminated them to increase my chances of success. What was that?



1. Attitude

I stopped seeing breastfeeding as a great effort and an even greater restriction. I decided to supersede these thoughts and replace them with the visualization of breastfeeding as something natural, which, with even better preparation and support, will surely succeed, considering the freedom it gives me. It was not easy, but a principle similar to "a lie repeated a thousand times becomes the truth" worked here. And I just believed it all.

With my first baby, after giving birth, which ended with a caesarean section, I quickly decided that I had no food. Nobody corrected me then. Nobody reminded me that the stomach of a newborn baby is the size of a small cherry, a thimble or a small teaspoon, so seeing a drop of colostrum (the first food), instead of being happy that just a few more and feeding my Child, I sat devastated and expected several dozen milliliters. When I asked for help with feeding, I received the answer: "Okay, we will feed" - despite the fact that I did not ask for feeding, it was almost the only help I received from the staff at the hospital. My sister helped me - by phone and the breast pump brought by my husband, and most importantly by going home. I sat day and night with the breast pump, full of fears and fears that it would be okay, that it would not work, agreeing to the next portions of modified milk for feeding, crying over it. The fear that food would never come was with me from the very beginning. So is the feeling that I can't cope right from the start. Do you know what is needed to produce milk? A hormone called oxytocin. What is bothering and holding him back? The stress hormone, the so-called cortisol. After the cesarean section, I was probably accompanied by a much lower level of oxytocin than it should (which often makes starting breastfeeding even more difficult after such a delivery). After adding cortisol, the situation did not improve.


The second time I knew exactly what it could look like, so when everyone in the hospital asked me how much food I had, I replied that it is only the first day, the food will come. I remember when almost the entire maternity ward full of children cried (just like my first child after birth), and my little son only woke up to feed. Then I asked the midwife if my baby was okay, that he was so calm, and she whispered in my ear: "It's because the Lady is so calm and the children feel it." This time I just entered the hospital with full faith and conviction that I would succeed, that it takes faith and time for everything. Instead of worrying, I enjoyed every drop of my food, recharging myself with positive energy. I also knew that, especially after a cesarean section, it is worth helping and supporting myself almost immediately after each breastfeeding. If only I had the strength, of course. If I didn't have them, I would let go and rest after feeding. I knew that in the end I would succeed, and I would have more strength for positive thinking that would lead me to success.


2. Aunt's good advice

Aunt's good advice: Why is your son taking so little? You probably have weak milk!
Yes: I have good milk, the best I can give him.
Aunt's good advice: How do you know? Badałaś? Did the doctor tell you pretty eyes?


I had this kind of conversation with the "kind" after the birth of my elder Son. I supposedly knew the answers to all these lactation myths and I thought I was defending myself well against them ... but my confidence as a mother was weakening after each such conversation. I paid for the above with such enormous stress that I got food stagnation, and after 2 days 39'C of fever and inflammation of the breast. Only the antibiotic helped, although maybe I did not have the strength to look for another solution, the fever tormented me so terribly that I did not have the strength to look after and feed my own Child. My self-esteem as Mom lay and squealed. With me.


Therefore, with the second child, I completely limited visits in the first weeks of life - only two mothers, my sister and my aunt, visited us. For how long? For so long, we didn't get to know each other and learn each other with our little one. Until my self-confidence about feeding, fueled by success in this area in the form of, for example, beautiful weight gain, was not so high that I could listen to the difficult comments.


It also helped me a lot ... avoiding the subject with a wide berth and leaving it for myself and my husband and very trusted friends who motivated me at every step. Which said they know how hard it is for me, but they know I can do it. My husband played the most important role here, who also cheered me on, praised me for every tiny step, for every single drop of food and effort put into feeding. He knew how important it was for me, he guarded all "Aunt good advice" and did not let me judge.


3. Feeding caps

With my first child in hospital, I had problems with attaching the baby to the breast, which additionally caused me great pain while feeding. While still in hospital, I was recommended as a solution to a feeding cushion. And so we fed for ... 3 months! For 3 months I was not able to feed the child without them. Probably few people will understand the frustration that accompanies me every day, reaching its zenith on a walk, far from home, when it turned out that I forgot the overlays. I felt totally incompetent. I had a hungry, crying Baby, I had milk, and I couldn't put it together without a silly piece of silicone. Besides, feeding in the aligners outside the home was also difficult for hygienic reasons, so I rarely went out, and at the exits I nervously glanced at my watch, counting down the time to the next feeding and driving home. I was looking for help - then I went to the hospital lactation clinic to find out that, unfortunately, I will be feeding in the overlays and now, because the child is unable to latch on without them - the lactation midwife tried to teach us for an hour, but to no avail .

Do you know what question I ask myself more and more often, having dilemmas related to raising children? Would this advice work in the desert in Africa if instead of a Polish woman I was a daughter of one of the Nomads and lived with my family in a nomadic way of life? Would this lactation midwife give me the same advice? That naturally, without support, it is impossible to feed? And condemned my child to starve to death? Exactly…

That's why I bought the covers for my second child - just in case, but I didn't take them to the hospital on purpose. And what? Tomorrow will be a month when we feed without overlays. We never used them (at least once in a moment of weakness we tried).


4. Professional help

Even before delivery I prepared a list of certified lactating midwives and used it. I gave the environment midwife a chance first, but it was like a bullet at the fence in my case. Then I found a real lactation clinic on my list and overcame further inconveniences. I will prepare a separate material for you on how to help yourself when breastfeeding hurts. Because you can and must do it! Within 24 hours of professional advice, we began to feed ourselves without pain.


Same situation - the birth of a child, same me, same hospital, same home and family. Initially, I just changed my attitude, chased away black thoughts and replaced them with positive, warm ones. What's the difference between breastfeeding a second time and the first time? This time I never cried in the shower, I did not dream of bottle feeding, I did not want to give up. Faith makes miracles. Not only this one in God, this one in yourself as well.

parenting blog breastfeeding

And yes, I'm tired, feeding at night is particularly exhausting for me. Only I can feed my baby and sometimes I would like someone to do it for me. But I know it's worth it. I feel it very much and the rest does not matter. We build a bond and invest in health for life, and it has no price.

We should also remember that if we fail to breastfeed for any reason, we can build closeness and immunity in a million other ways. Love always wins, no matter how we feed.


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Leave a comment:

  • Monika

    Exactly as if I heard about myself…. same story. The first child a million "good advice" I trusting everyone but not myself…. bad attitude and negative thoughts and it was enough to give up KP after two months ... with the second child I was already much wiser, I only listened to my intuition which as you can see has not disappointed us, we have been feeding for over three months now is great! Self-confidence works miracles! Regards and thanks for the wonderful text xxx

  • Barbara Cioch-Szklarz

    How did you get away from the overlays? My toddler ends Sunday 3 weeks and without overlay only licking busty tries to get him but he is immediately nervous and I give up. At the beginning we had a problem with a short wedlock but it has already developed and my little nerve does not want to give up this overlay.

    • 03.11.2017

      Are you sure it's made? Our speech therapist says that the frenulum is not a muscle and cannot be made.

    • Barbara Cioch-Szklarz

      That's what the pediatrician told me this week, it's ok, you don't have to do anything. And in the hospital after birth, the doctor said that the short wedge may have problems with grasping the breast and later seplenic. That you can get to the surgeon to cut through. But ultimately the child's headmaster said she was doing well and she did not give any referral. He catches the cover without a problem, and if he gives it without it, lize and get mad. It'll only hurt him for a second and scream. Heh, maybe someday it will work.

  • Marta Micińska

    It's nice that such an important topic was raised. My story was not easy either. In the hospital, the midwife, when she saw that my daughter couldn't catch her breast, told me to take food and give her a bottle.
    Only my friend told me about the existence of silicone covers, thanks to which I am feeding my daughter to this day (she has 3 months and 12 days already). Nobody informed me about such overlays in the hospital. Of course, I would like to feed without covers, but we are still fighting and I hope that we will succeed.
    I know how much sacrifice breastfeeding costs, but it is the most beautiful experience and feeling close to the baby. In our case my daughter has AD and I really have a limited diet.
    And aunt's good advice is a lot.
    The most frequently heard advice in my case is "you can't eat yet? You should stop feeding because you have low-value milk since you eat almost nothing. "

    • 31.10.2017

      Soon my heart will break ... or anger will eat me. I am on a diet myself !!! My little one has a confirmed allergy to cow's milk protein, I don't eat absolutely anything containing cow's milk protein or beef protein, I feel great, I have very good results! I have a friend of a nutritionist, I think it is an important topic to show how much we can eat and how to compose our menu well.
      What's more - I didn't eat eggs, nuts, citrus, soy for a month, and I also did it 🙂 on five meals a day 🙂

  • 07.10.2017

    Thanks for this text, I think it is extremely important that we women hear as many breastfeeding stories as possible - that there are various difficulties, but they can be overcome. I, too, had a difficult start, ran into at least a few incompetent midwives and fed mm at the beginning. However, I manage to feed with my own food thanks to the lactation advice, breast pump and the sns method. I am talking about it wherever I can;), I also described my feeding history on my blog, because I think that it should be first aid in case of problems, and not an immediate feeding order (unfortunately this is the main support from the medical staff). It is not always possible to go to the breast only, I did not manage to teach my daughter how to suckle effectively, but I am glad that I still manage to keep lactation and I have been feeding for almost 6 months. Though of course I agree with what you wrote: "Love always wins, no matter how we feed." - beautiful words ❤

  • 22.09.2017

    It is very important to both support relatives and professional help. I also encountered a lack of knowledge in the hospital ... Fortunately, there are CDL 🙂

  • ZumbaLove

    Thank you very much for this article. I am giving birth in 6 weeks, but I am already worried if I will be able to feed because I would love to. Your words have helped me understand that the most important thing is a good attitude and not to give up. Actually, my fear comes from ignorance, because it's my first delivery. My sister had problems with feeding (baby did not gain weight), but I supported her every day to try as long as possible. It was half a year and I think it is a success, given that some women give up at the very beginning.
    Now I am glad that I live in a city other than all my aunts "good advice" and I will also wait with their visit.

    PS I am waiting for the article about painless feeding.

    • 31.10.2017

      I am curious, you are hugging Maluszka and you are taking your first steps as a proud mother 🙂
      Attitude is the key to success, the support of loved ones is also invaluable - many people still criticize my kp, sometimes even a tear on my cheek will leave me with comments about the diet, frequency of feeding ... but then I am left alone with my baby and repeat it all to myself, c I wrote here <3 works <3

  • Greta

    This is a very important and very difficult topic. I have almost a weekly toddler 3 at home. We feed naturally, however, what feeding is a struggle, so that the little one grabs the nipple well. However, we fight bravely because I know it's the best I can give my daughter.
    To all moms-to-be! Don't be intimidated in the maternity ward after giving birth. What a midwife is a different theory. The best thing that can happen is leaving the hospital. Remember about a positive attitude - children feel it all :).
    As for torn nipples. It helped me spreading with a little milk and after 15 minutes spreading with highly purified lanolin. I also ventilated my breasts while sleeping with my breasts uncovered (in the hospital I lost my shame - the conditions were what they were and I had to deal with it). And most importantly: every small step forward is a great success! You are the best mother for your little one!
    And so also BTW :) I try to latch the baby to the breast as soon as I see the first signs of hunger (looking around and sucking reflex - usually 2,5-3 hours from the beginning of the last feeding). It is so helpful for me that the little girl calmly grabs her breast. When she is very nervous and tearful, I try to calm her down by swaying, otherwise she catches the nipple so greedily that she usually bites me a little.

    • 31.10.2017

      You had the idea with putting it on right away, I also started doing it (to the silent observers, because I'm definitely overfeeding), only with me what 1,5-2,5h, but how much less breath and stomach does not hurt so 🙂
      And hospitals, unfortunately, still leave so much to be desired ... so after another recommendation to supplement I left the hospital for the third day after giving birth, but I had my own wish and taught myself to feed at home 🙂 I do not recommend it to anyone, but for me it was the best I could do 🙂

    • Greta

      I am very happy that I helped a little :). We girls, we must help each other and support each other!
      I wish you a lot of health and a quiet milky way with little Maks :) We hug together with my daughter!

  • Aga

    I also had big problems with lactation, sore breasts and bringing my daughter to the breast. Already in the hospital she got mm. The hospital lactation consultant scared me and said that I would have terrible problems with breastfeeding. Then I was Uniejów, she said once again that I have a secret mycosis of the nipples !!! Haha. There was nothing like that… then the community midwife came to our house and ordered additional feeding, because the little one was not gaining weight…. But in the end, thanks to my stubbornness and the rivers of tears, today I am breastfeeding and sometimes just feeding mm.

    • 30.08.2017

      Some "professional" advisers and their fortune-telling are terrible. My community midwife told me - even though I had been feeding for 10 days without the aligners, that I would probably have to use them if I was in pain ... and a slight correction of the baby's suckling was enough ... how good that many of us have the strength to fight and what a real pity that so many of us simply don't have this strength anymore, constantly hitting the wall ...

  • Ania

    As if reading about myself. It is true that I have only one child but the bridesmaids are planning and I already know that I will have a completely different attitude.
    No one in the hospital could help me. I shed liters of tears and blood over my baby and our feeding, of course the only help I got was a bottle of mm… we went home, I searched the internet with tears in my eyes, I found it! One and only CDL in my city, I call right away and I call. She was at my place in 2 hours, I was crying asking her for help. She came, although the little one did not want to catch, she repeated the meeting, but I was given precise instructions on how to latch the baby to the breast. The CDL left and I took the baby calmly and I made it!
    But it doesn't stop there. Of course, I also had to feed through the aligners, also up to the 3rd month - I asked the midwife in the clinic what to do to give up the aligners because they are already killing me mentally, I only heard "it's impossible, the baby will not grab the breasts" but I did not give up and I have been feeding for a month without overlays.
    For me, feeding up to a point was a punishment, every time I took a baby to my breast, tears stood in my eyes and I fed them crying. For 3 months I was forced to feed, overlays blocked milk production, the baby hung on the breast and cried and I could not leave the house even for a walk because I was afraid of this hungry crying so I reached for mm. Today I do not regret it, maybe it is absurd but it seems to me that modified milk saved my lactations. When the baby was so hungry that she didn't even want to grasp her breasts or after crying for an hour, I was adding more milk to her, when she satisfied her greatest hunger she had the strength to fight for my milk production. Such a way from putting the covers on is only on my chest and feeding me finally gave me joy and pleasure, even though I was slowly losing faith in myself.
    It is terribly sad that in a civilized country like ours, with educated medical staff, you can't count on any support. And for the city of 200 thous. there is only one CDL inhabitants. Do we really have such a passive society that does not want to go ahead, educate and help women like us?
    I will not forget to look at me from the bull in the ward after delivery, when the change changed every time and I had to explain to myself that I was at risk of pregnancy, I was not allowed to stimulate my breasts and hence my flat warts. And the midwife that I asked for help at night because the child was crying so badly that I couldn't cope, and who told me that I was disturbing her and pressed the bottle with mm, I do NOT greet.

    I wrote a lot but it is a topic about which I still have tears and I can't pass by indifferently.

  • Justyna Piecyk Wojciechowska

    I am looking forward to this article regarding how to help yourself when breastfeeding hurts. We feed with Olive 2 months and there are still such situations :(

  • 28.08.2017

    I fed my first daughter 4 years, although I also had very heavy beginnings począt
    I think that in my case instinct and faith that breastfeeding is in the nature of every mammal has won, because a cow without milk will not go to the pharmacy for a mixture 😛
    anyway, in a few weeks [3-4, hopefully] I will become a mother for the second time and I can't wait for breastfeeding, because when I stopped feeding my daughter a year ago it was a very unpleasant [although of course and happy] experience for me, which made me realize that that our children are growing way too fast !! and this time will NEVER come back ...

  • Aneta Legkieta

    How did you skip the feeding caps after 3? We have 2 months and I use them too

    • Ania

      Try to remove the covers during the day of feeding and be consistent. With us after 2 weeks of such consistency, Little at night threw off the overlay and since then I feed without. Good luck!

  • 27.08.2017

    I approached feeding as a great and joyful adventure. Although just before my birth, my mother-in-law often asked if I had a supply of modified milk just in case, I didn't take it personally. I knew that feeding began in my head and if I really want it, I will feed. My Agatka is already 11 months old I am still feeding. To tease this machine at the beginning helped me herbal teas for lactation (available at bio and herbal stores). I had a lot of milk. It was enough for the child and to be taken to freeze. It is also not worth listening to midwives who say how much a child should eat. One of them tried to convince me that if a child eats longer than 10 minutes then they have to be weaned because he makes a pacifier out of the breast. What nonsense. Every child is different and I think you should give him as much breast time as he needs. Secondly, it is something extremely intimate, this bond between mother and child who sucks the breast. This feeling is wonderful and indescribable. Girls, if you ever encounter a feeding problem, first contact a lactation consultant before reaching for a bottle. It is very easy to lose food (especially at the beginning of the milky way), giving a bottle again and again, and sometimes one visit to the clinic will help you solve the problem and breastfeed again. This is something wonderful, so it's worth fighting for.

  • Joanna Samek

    Very good fasting… Breastfeeding is very difficult at the beginning and it's so easy to reach for a bottle with formula, especially when everyone is encouraging you to do so. It's good to know that there are crises, but it's also worth knowing that they are passing 🙂 Bravo!

    • 31.10.2017

      They absolutely pass 🙂 Today I don't know how feeding could be difficult for me. The lactation crisis of the third month is behind us, so we feel great with the feeding 🙂 and to a large extent it is your merit 🙂 thank you for your support, on which we can always count <3

  • Anna Szymik

    My friends keep telling me that this is the hardest part of motherhood. I am positive, I know that my husband will support me, because we both realize that it is the best for the baby. We both know the myths about this and believe that we will be able to defend ourselves against these "kind" comments.
    I look forward to your next entries on this topic. I hope we will breastfeed. And if there are any problems, I will seek support from people who know that they want to do well for us and above all have knowledge about it!
    # types in September 🙂

    • 28.08.2017

      the most difficult is only the beginning [nipple pain, congestion or invasions], although they do not apply to every mother, so we must hope that what is 'unpleasant' will pass us by 🙂
      As an experienced nursing mother, I can confidently say that a good attitude in the case of breastfeeding is almost a complete success <3