Why doesn't my child piss me off?
Is it holy? Of course not. It's like every child. So why?
I am glad that I already knew it when Mikołaj was born. I knew that no one was responsible for our emotions, only ourselves.
How many times in your life have you said, "My bus missed!" And how many times has it happened that it was not the bus that escaped us, but that we left the house too late? And the bus left according to the timetable, right in front of our eyes. How easy is it then to transfer the responsibility for our being late, for the anger we feel, onto an external factor ?! What's more, we very often don't even realize it! I'm so smart, and when I last went to the office for recruitment, my anger was at its peak when "I missed my bus". At that time, my leg was in plaster and I was moving on crutches, and the driver literally closed the door when I was a meter away from them. Sure, he could look in the mirror, he could wait a moment. But he didn't wait. I was furious. Of course, when "the bus ran away", that is, it left in front of my eyes, I felt so angry, helpless and frustrated that I called Wojtek shouting "the bus escaped! I think I will write a complaint against him! ”. Of course, I never wrote any complaint. After a while I remembered that I was the one who could leave the house a moment earlier, and not at the last minute, like a madwoman, run on crutches with a wooden leg on the bus. I allowed myself to dodge comfortably and blame myself for my anger, frustration and failure ... of the bus driver. Because it was so easy for me to think that he was the reason why I was late, tore the skin off my leg and looked like crazy. But he pissed me off!
Wait a second, I'm doing it again… but it wasn't the driver who pissed me off, the truth was, I was pissed off. Even though I didn't notice it at first, I was really pissed off that since I gave birth to the Child, punctuality has been my weakness, and I hate to admit it, even (or even more so) to myself. I was pissed off that the bus left my nose. But I was pissed! Although I had no influence on when the driver closed the door to the bus and pressed the gas pedal, how I felt then depended only on me! I quickly remembered this wisdom and made up my mind that take it easy, the bus closed the door in my face, but I could leave the house earlier, since I hadn't left, I won't spoil the rest of the day for myself (and my husband) now, let alone cry alone and lame at the bus stop, I will only think about how to make sure that there are no more negative consequences (I will call you and let you know when I am late).
What else did this situation show me? We do not like the behavior of others that show us ... our weaknesses. Why am I so angry? Because the situation reminded me that since I am a mother, I have had a problem with the organization of time and punctuality!
The next time I went on the same bus with Mikołaj. And this time he really escaped us. When we were leaving the house 5 minutes before departure, the bus passed in front of us. It was too early. A similar situation - I did not leave it, I did not arrive on time, but this time it was not me that was at fault. How did I feel? Simply. Calmly, I called Wojtek and we agreed on an emergency plan, and Mikołaj and I had an extra great walk.
How does this apply to our children?
It took me many years and hard work to understand that no other person could be responsible for how we feel. When I say to my husband, "You're pissing me off", I lie in my vivid eyes. Because I'm angry! He is a free man and may behave as he pleases (of course, within the law and it would be good within the limits of social coexistence as well) but how I feel with it depends only on me.
And the same principle also applies - even more so - to the Children. Children are little creatures who behave the way they do. It is not without reason that when an adult is doused with soup, we will say "you doused like a child" because children are small and they are pouring! They are small, so they cry, scream, rain, cry, shout, spoil, fail, get sick, mischief, and even hit and steal. Because they are children, they behave like children, not like little adults. Such childhood behavior is a great temptation to say that they piss us off! But as I wrote before, how we react to the behavior of other people, including our children, depends only on ourselves.
The truth is therefore ruthless. It is not my husband that annoys us, much less a child. We are annoyed because we can not cope with our own emotions that are caused by other people or circumstances that we have no influence on!
Understanding this issue has made my relations with my husband and child much easier, but also with my friends and readers. We have no influence on others, what they say, what they think, how they behave (at least a little). We also have no influence on external factors such as the weather or traffic jam in the city. But we have an influence on how we feel about them! Moreover, we have control over it. You don't have to go pissed off if your child spilled all the soup on you, you don't have to blame your husband for walking around angry all day because he took the bathroom in front of you. Since your feelings depend only on you, then only you have power over them.
It's not the baby that pisses us off. Let us remember this when we want to say it or think it again. We better consider what the painful truth about us is revealing at the moment. Maybe our lack of patience? The fact that it doesn't make us feel as perfect as we would like? Or maybe something completely different?
If you find this post valuable, please click the "Share" button.