When I tell myself enough? The baby doesn't want to sleep. 1

the baby does not want to sleep

You are already walking tired, you fall asleep in any position, you stumble over your own legs, your baby does not want to sleep ... Do you know that? When should you change something about sleeping?

 

 

Tired mom, sleepy mom - this is sad mom, mom without energy. And no mom should be sad! After all being a mother is the most beautiful thing that can happen to a woman.

 

How to deal with a baby who wakes up many times at night, and when he finally falls asleep and is trying to fall asleep himself, he wakes up and the fun starts from the beginning?

 

Help, my baby won't sleep!

Sleeping should suit the needs of the whole family, meet its needs with particular emphasis on the needs of the newborn and infant. Because if it seems to you that it is not you who should adapt to the child, but it should adapt to you - nothing could be further from the truth!

 

If you think that your baby will sleep all night after 2-3 months - no, most likely it won't.

 

In order for the organization of the whole family's night to improve, one must first answer the following questions:

 

Why does my child wake up many times at night?

When our baby is born, his sleep cycle is different from that of an adult - it is much shorter. A newborn's sleep cycle lasts 50 minutes and an adult's sleep cycle is 90 minutes. It is easier for them to wake up between cycles, and then they chatter, lie still, or, unfortunately, cry.

 

Our toddler's body before 3 is one month old does not yet operate in the daily system, later the daytime sleep time is reduced, but the body's functioning in the circadian system will not occur before the age of two.

 

Until 9, the baby's month of life gradually decreases, and then increases and reaches its climax during the second year of life, before falling again until Our child's sleep cycle will extend until teenage age [1].

 

Where do the night motives come from?

Remember that night wake up calls are normal. This is a sign that everything is fine with the baby, that he does not spend much time in the deep sleep stage, which can lead to apnea.

 

When a baby is born, it is not ready for life outside the mother's body. There is the concept of so-called "Fourth trimester"because it is the minimum necessary for a child to come into the world more mature and developed. A baby cannot develop longer in the womb than the adopted 9 months - it would have a problem with its birth. The bones of the female pelvis are smaller than the bones of animals, therefore we should pay attention to the fact that, for example, a small foal can move independently shortly after its birth.

 

Researchers compared the brain of a newborn baby with the brains of other newborn mammals. While the brain of a small person is only a quarter of what it will become in adulthood, the brains of small animals already have 80% of the final volume. This 80% brain of babies reaches only around the first birthday.

 

This is because after the baby is born, his immune, nervous, digestive systems are still developing ... all this means that we can call it "pregnancy outside the womb". The child is still very dependent on us, he cannot dress himself, undress, eat, wash, etc.

 

This physiological immaturity is also obvious need for physical contact with my mother, with whom he spent several long months, cradled, warm and with constant access to food [2].

 

Until Maks 12 finished months, I did everything to ensure his free development, respond to his almost every need as soon as possible, to grow in a sense of security and absolute trust in me and the world around him. After Maks finished the year, I returned to work full-time and it turned out that I could no longer function like this, because it poses real threats to my life and health. When the second day in a row I decided to leave my car outside our office, because I was not able to drive it home, I knew that our daily rhythm no longer meets the needs of our whole family and that I need to change something. So I started to diagnose our problems.

 

Our problems

 

problem 1

Maks, who fell asleep with me in our bed, after falling asleep to the bed, after waking up after an hour or two, did not know where he was, he felt anxious and immediately wanted to return to a place where he had fallen asleep safely and nicely - that is, to our bed. He calmed down only when he was in it.

 

problem 2

Maks, who slept put away in his cot, standing in our bedroom next to ours, often woke up at night because of sensitivity to external stimuli such as telephone light, reading lamp, creaking bed, coughing, sneezing.

 

problem 3

Maks learned to fall asleep by the breast, so as soon as he woke up at night and saw me, he naturally associated me with falling asleep and demanded breastfeeding to sleep. During the night he was so sensitive to putting off and he slept so shallowly that he did not put it off, that he was able to wake up from 2 to 6 after 30 times and fall asleep / sleep only at the breast.

 

With this post I start the series Baby sleep, in which we will jointly go through the theory of child's sleep to practice - how it was with us, how we managed to get a good night's sleep for ourselves and for the child.

 

When looking for the perfect way to learn to fall asleep, I was recommended many (drastic) methods, fortunately I did not use any of them and you do not have to either - in the next post in the series I will write to you, what a baby's crying really is and why it's a bad idea of ​​learning to fall asleep.

 

And what problems do you see in your family sleep?

 

References

[1] Claude Didierjean-Jouveau, "Non-Violent Parenting"

[2] Claude Didierjean-Jouveau "We sleep with the baby"

44 comments
Leave a comment:

ten - three =

  • Okti
    Reply
    13.10.2020

    We have been struggling with our Leonek for a long time, since he was born he was exceptionally excited. Waking up every half hour during the day and night, after a month I did not distinguish between the days of the week. Apart from the fact that it was irreparable, it calmed down only at the breast, so I was literally grounded at home. Now Leoś is half a year old, it is better, he sleeps much longer, he wakes up 2-3 times at night. There was a problem with falling asleep for a long time, we have had a kang pillow for some time, on which we manage to put Leonek to sleep in 5 minutes and it was our salvation. Now we are still waiting for the sleep phase to last a bit longer, but I'm hopeful 🙂

  • Dorota
    Reply
    01.09.2020

    My granddaughter for 6 weeks can literally stay awake all day. This is probably not normal, either

  • 15.10.2019

    Ms Agnieszka, is there the second part?

  • Anna
    Reply
    15.07.2019

    Where's the next post? I would like to know how to solve the problem because it is identical with me.

  • Aneta
    Reply
    17.05.2019

    Hello, My Little Girl will end on Monday 3 months and it is the other way round in us, usually at night he sleeps, wakes up once for food (a bottle) and for that he does not sleep during the day, he takes naps as he lulls 15 minutes. And sometimes he sways an hour or a half, massacre. I am already on the verge of nervousness I know that it also affects Niunie but I am alone, Dad on weekends and I am tired that she screams that she wants to sleep and can not ehh

  • Iwona
    Reply
    29.03.2019

    Dear ,,, I am waiting so much for the second part that I have been coming here for several months to check if it is already there; P, would you reveal even if you are planning a second post about the toddler's dream, i.e. how did you teach Maks to fall asleep and sleep peacefully? My Toddler (13 months) wakes up a million times at night, he can't do it anymore :( I warmly greet: ** Iwona

  • Milena
    Reply
    19.02.2019

    I also join the question about the second part of the series about the child's sleep problem. When will it be published on the blog? The issues raised here are most needed and I am looking forward to them. Almost 3 months have passed and II. Parts are still missing .. You were very interested in me and probably many other readers how you managed to solve the problem with sleeplessness and we still do not know anything about it :(

  • susan
    Reply
    27.01.2019

    When to expect the next part?

  • Klaudia
    Reply
    23.01.2019

    Is the second part already? Part one is from November a little big time difference

  • Monika
    Reply
    06.01.2019

    I am looking forward to the next part of your story falling asleep. It's similar with us. Every wink at night ends with falling asleep by the breast in our bed, and after an hour or two the story repeats. Recently there has also been an allergy with a strong rash and the little son is restless. I read your Agnieszka entries about allergies to cow's milk protein and I am comforting that with us it will end equally optimistically. Maybe you will share recipes for dishes for mom feeding a child with allergies? Greetings.

  • 31.12.2018

    We solved the problem by buying a baby cocoon. He sleeps with us in bed and sleeps normally all night 🙂

  • 19.12.2018

    I'm looking forward to continuing my entry. My son is almost 2 years old and we are still struggling with sleepless nights. I read a lot of entries on this topic, I used the sleep coach's advice (I do not recommend it) and it is still bad. I am waiting for more. When is the next entry? :)

    • 21.12.2018

      Oh and you tell me why you don't recommend? I hesitated too, I read opinions, advice and I did not decide, because in my opinion all methods were more or less crying. And how was your place? What didn't suit you?

  • Madzia54
    Reply
    07.12.2018

    Our problems 1. The young does not fall asleep in the cot, put away crying, falls asleep in our bed by the breast
    2. Many times he wakes up at night demanding the breast, the amount of solid food given before falling asleep has no effect on the changes, reducing ie night feeding 3. The sleep is so shallow that every attempt to add a shift ends with calling "am"
    The bride is 15 months old today, she sleeps in our bed. I went back to work, I don't get enough sleep and I walk like zombies. I have the impression that Young is compensating for my absence with night feedings, and unfortunately all attempts to stop feeding ended in a fiasco ...

  • 28.11.2018

    After delivery, as soon as I have a problem with my baby's sleep, I will come back to this post 🙂

  • Magda
    Reply
    28.11.2018

    At our place, the baby woke up 6 times at night up to 4 months on her tits, which was completely ok and I fell asleep. When she was 6 months old and started to develop very quickly when it comes to motor skills, her teeth started to go (which I think are going non-stop), she also stopped sleeping and started waking up several times a night. Initially, her husband was able to lick her, but for a month now only cyc has been helping. From the beginning, she falls asleep at the breast for the night, maybe twice she managed to fall asleep alone when she was younger ... Now the little girl is 9 months old and these wake-ups are bearable only when she sleeps with us. I have considered a sleep consultant, but it is also not entirely consistent with my approach. I am waiting impatiently for the other posts.

  • Ania
    Reply
    28.11.2018

    I am looking forward to the next part. My son currently has 10 months and from the beginning sleeping is a nightmare. The first 4 months of his life slept on my stomach. As soon as I tried to put him differently he slept a maximum of 15 minutes and then woke up with a huge cry. Therefore, so that I could close my eye for a while, I slept with my babel holding it on my stomach. Then it wasn't better either. Falling asleep on your hands, if not on your arms from a pram. Everything lasted for hours, and the aspens slept 30 minutes and woke up and again the rocking is in his hands or wheelchair. Currently, after the evening ritual, we end up in the bedroom and should theoretically go to sleep but not my child. Then the fun is the best. Oscar can fall asleep an hour sometimes even 1,5 hours. Then, until midnight, 3 wakes up, sometimes 4 times, cries and only falls asleep when I pick it up. I put it off and after some time the same again. After midnight 2 feeding and does not always fall asleep immediately after them. Wake up is about 6. During the day, Oscar has two short naps. I will add that I am alone with my son from Monday to Friday because of my husband's work system. Honestly, it's hard. I don't remember when I slept for longer than 2 hours. Ratunkuuu

  • Jezebel
    Reply
    28.11.2018

    A very useful entry. I have a problem with it myself. And since our baby is teething there is simply a tragedy. Waiting for more entries. 🙂 And out of curiosity, I would like to ask where you got the books from? I searched the internet and there are no available anywhere, unfortunately. 🙁

  • Patil
    Reply
    28.11.2018

    Thank you! I looked at the entry with the light bulb in my head - it's about me, it's for me !!! Help! From September I went back to work and it started like you did ... Aga - waiting for more !!!!

  • Marta
    Reply
    28.11.2018

    We have the same! Except that the little one falls asleep on his hands and putting him in the crib at night is almost a miracle ... I look forward to the next parts! Maybe we will manage to tame our child.

    • 28.11.2018

      It was exactly the same with us! It's just that from 2-3 a.m. until the morning non-stop - I was already sleeping sitting, holding Maks in my arms to sleep at all, luckily today it's a past, which I wish you too

  • Beata
    Reply
    27.11.2018

    I am struggling with exactly the same problems as you. My son is 13 months and wakes up several times at night. I'm really tired but I want to breastfeed him. I am looking forward to the next entry, because sleepless nights affect my mood.

    • 27.11.2018

      oh, I believe ... the critical moment for me was when I couldn't go home by car for fear of falling asleep ... fortunately, it's the past <3 I'm looking for another material <3 and I keep my fingers crossed for your nights!

  • Dominika
    Reply
    27.11.2018

    Waiting for the next post! Antoś half a year on December 6, a few motives at night. I feel like smacking me sometimes from 3 to 6 in the morning no power

    • 27.11.2018

      For such a baby, I think it's necessary and healthy, that he wakes up several times at night, although not sleeping from 3 to 6 can already be exhausting. Sleeping with me helped, but separately, I implemented them when Sonny turned a year old.

  • 27.11.2018

    Zosia is put to sleep only in the dark bathroom with the sound of the dryer, with an elevator lasting 40 minutes. Wake up at 4 in the morning, along the way including several awakening at night, which ended with falling asleep by the dryer. You are shouting. Naps on a very short day. Just before she was six months old, depressed, I wrote an email to sleep consultants about this 4. Maybe they didn't solve all our problems, but the huge jump in the quality of our life together :). I probably didn't see what we were doing wrong, or rather what we were not doing to help her sleep well because of fatigue. And I think it's important to listen to and adapt to the child, but sometimes this fitting should be about imposing a rhythm.

    It is different with Helena now. She can fall asleep by simply lying in the bed (which is amazing to me!), But she can also give us a long cry and a quiet problem. At night, at this point, he wakes up once for food. Magic! But there are also nights when a runny nose attacks and we get several motives for an hour.

    • 27.11.2018

      Oh what a story! I thought about using their services for a long time, I compared the offers, but I had the impression that these methods would exceed our limits ... I read their blogs and I had the impression that it was too much for us. And what changes did she recommend you first? I am very curious!

    • Ania
      04.12.2018

      Agnieszka, I am waiting for a post how you solved this problem. For me, the methods of falling asleep schools are also impossible to overcome with our nice son. We introduced a lot, if not all, and it worked poorly for us and the crying of the child mentally killed me. I would add that we were persistent for over a month of recommendations and still no night was sleeping. It is a little better not to put it off 30 times but 3-4 wake up at night are still. Our son at night behaves identically to your Maks 🙂

  • Kasia
    Reply
    27.11.2018

    It will be 6 months with us ... the little one can fall asleep on her own and takes about 3 naps during the day, but at night she wakes up too often ... and then it only helps. I was thinking of a sleep trainer to help us - did you hear about it? Have you used?

    • Kasia
      27.11.2018

      It was supposed to be a boob (wake up at night)

    • 27.11.2018

      Yes, I compared offers, read a lot, but I was afraid that it would exceed our boundaries of closeness parenting ... so I read, among others, the books mentioned here in the bibliography and implemented these methods step by step so as not to do anything against myself and Maks ... I am very curious what it really looks like!

  • Magda
    Reply
    27.11.2018

    I will gladly learn how to deal with waking up a toddler at night. With us, unfortunately, one night was enough when Antoś (4 months) slept with us in the bed next to his chest to get used to it. It has been going on for over a month - it often wakes up because it's busty because it is close to me, putting it to the cot borders on a miracle. I don't mind, neither is my husband, because this intimacy with marriage is amazing but I just don't get enough sleep. I sleep in constant vigil that none of us would simply hurt the little one.
    I am very curious how you dealt with this problem and I sincerely congratulate you on your success 😉

    • 27.11.2018

      At the age of 4 months, I allowed such sleep, because I had the impression that it played a very important role in building closeness, as an antidote to the lactation crisis, which I was struggling with regularly at that time. Ultimately, it helped us that I always put Maks to his crib before he fell asleep - so that he would fall asleep at home in his bed and not wake up in a strange place, because then there was always a row. How he learned to fall asleep - with my help and in our company but in his crib, everything changed.

  • Nina
    Reply
    27.11.2018

    Our marriage ends six months in a week. Until the end of October it was wonderful. The first 2 months she woke up on 1 Mountain 2 at night on her tits. Then she started sleeping from 20:6 pm to 7:2.3 am… 2am on the thrust. Unfortunately, problems with falling asleep appeared overnight. The first 1 hours is drilling cry. He gets tired because he cannot sleep hard. Nothing is happening in my mouth yet. During the day everything is fine ... Takes short naps XNUMXxXNUMXh. We thought it would only get better but last month has been terribly exhausting for us.

    • 27.11.2018

      I believe that such a change must be a surprise and is obviously tiring. But if the problems are mainly about falling asleep (and not the night) then maybe you have to look for something to change in the afternoon and evening rituals? Maybe he has too much stimulus at bedtime?

  • Kayarzyna
    Reply
    27.11.2018

    Fortunately, my two little angels are sleeping through the night for one wake up call and have 7 months. And they started to sleep even 9- 10 h from 6 a month;)

    • 27.11.2018

      Awesome! I will never understand it natomiast while in 2 months I have regained the evenings and nights somewhere, the first sleepy night took place around September 10, I ran to bed in the morning to see if he was alive!

    • Kayarzyna
      28.11.2018

      I still have it so that I wake up and check if everything is OK 😉 unless it wakes up on a sip of water;)

  • Charles
    Reply
    27.11.2018

    Thank you Agnieszka for accepting this topic. It is exactly the same with us ... my daughter wakes up at night in a bed and as soon as she sees me she gets up she wakes up on her hand ... and so all night, and I don't have the strength anymore. I'm waiting for more posts!

    • 27.11.2018

      I hope that the next posts with our path that we went through will inspire you to find balance and in yours 🙂

    • Justine
      25.06.2019

      Where are the next posts in this topic?

  • 27.11.2018

    Hey
    I don't have children yet, but I'm waiting for new entries with curiosity, because they may be useful for the future.
    Regards,
    Kasia

    • 27.11.2018

      Let's not save it in your favorites, just in case