Trapped in perfectionism
It is extremely easy to fall into the trap of perfectionism and lose the balance between family, home and work. How to deal with this?
I started my own company at the age of 22 - then I won the competition for the best Business Plan and set up the Portal PobieramySię. Back then, I was still living in my family home, studying every day, and earning extra money as a barmaid in the evenings and on weekends. In the first place, I quit working in a restaurant and divided my time between studies, an English language course, a new company, a boyfriend, friends and family. Live not die. I had no other obligations - I didn't have to run the house or take care of my child, I wasn't responsible for anyone except myself. Buried nights, work and study until morning was my specialty, the more so as my ambition made me use the potential of the university and increase my "earnings" thanks to science, with the help of a scholarship. It was probably then that I started to develop my perfectionism the most intensively. A trip to Paris for six months and working as an au pair in a real Parisian family like from the book "Madame Chic" only strengthened me in this.
Years later, I find it easy to be a perfectionist, if the consequences are borne only by you. The late nights, dark circles under the eyes, stress seem to be an inseparable element of a young person's life. The problem begins when there are people in our lives for whom we are responsible: a partner, husband, child, or maybe a parent whom we want or need to support. Then our perfectionism begins to limit us.
Usually it quickly turns out that this cannot be done anymore. That if we want to do everything we have done so far and at the same level as we have done so far, sooner or later we simply collapse some zone of our life. The day will not stretch, and we usually do not gain strength.
So what are the solutions?
1. Resignation from quality - that is, we keep doing the same, but unfortunately we lower the quality of everything or many things.
2. Resignation from quantity - that is, we continue to focus on the highest quality, but give up some tasks / classes.
3. Resignation from quality and quantity - thus setting priorities on the basis of which we can define areas in which we give up quality and those in which we give up quantity.
It is impossible to hide - very often, when a family appears in our life, and even more so a child, when we work full-time and want to develop our own company, when we want to go to university or devote ourselves to a new hobby, and we want to do all this perfectly, sooner or later to verify our current approach to the world and set new priorities.
Personally, when I gave birth and returned to work, I answered a few questions:
If during the day I have 4 hours for the exclusive disposal of my husband and child, what do I want to do during this time? Cook dinner, clean, vacuum, keep the house immaculate or play, laugh and walk? On a weekend fly on a rag or go for a weekend out of town, and embrace the house when Miki goes to sleep?
If during the day I have 8 hours for the exclusive use of the office, do I want to do everything myself? Do you focus on what pushes the company forward?
Do I prefer to divide my free time into people in the company of whom I feel that I can't be myself or focus on those with whom I feel in my place?
If you come to me with unannounced coffee, do not expect cake in the oven and scuffed corners, because most of the time I used to spend at home today is for my family and blog. And you know what? I love my home imperfections because it reminds me that I have more interesting things to do. For example, read your comment on this post and reply to it 🙂