Boy or girl?

parenting blog sex child ultrasound

During the pregnancy with Mikołaj, the issue of knowing his sex during ultrasound was as obvious to us as knowing how much he measures and weighs. In the next pregnancy it was not so unambiguous for us.

A short conversation with Iwona, the author Oh Deer Blogwho did not know the sex of both of their daughters during childbirth

Agnes: Iwonka, I remember how we met at photo workshops, when my son Mikołaj and your daughter Mila were already in the world, whose sex you only got to know during childbirth. I remember you convincing me that the surprise effect in the delivery room was amazing, and I told you that the information about the child's sex is always a surprise, but it can be timed differently - the only difference is that it was our second trimester of pregnancy, and for you the Day of Birth. I remember that although I did not change my mind, your attitude and your approach stayed in my head for a long, long time.


Iwonka, what emotions did you have regarding your child's sex during pregnancy, and what during your delivery?


Iwona: Let me start with the fact that we live in England, which is crucial in this matter :). Firstly, during pregnancy, only 2 ultrasound examinations are performed here: at 12 and 20 weeks, and only during the latter is it possible to find out the sex of the baby. If you don't, you simply won't know, and since there is no additional research afterwards… you are not tempted to find out about this secret :). The vast majority of English people do not know the gender of their baby before birth - when I found out about it, I thought it was a great idea! A childhood colleague from work told me that such a surprise in childbirth was an amazing experience - I introduced this idea to my husband and we decided that we would do it. We didn't care if it was a boy or a girl! When friends and family in Poland heard about our decision, they laughed that we were probably cheating and we really know, but we don't want to reveal the gender of the baby to anyone. Especially my friends could not believe that we decided not to know, they often replied with the sentence: "I would not be able to endure it!" Of course, it was not without guesswork and "fortune-telling" from my belly and my appearance, which was quite tiring :). Big belly - there will be a boy, I feel sick - there will be a girl for sure, and so on and on. Interestingly, in my first pregnancy, everyone was convinced that I would give birth to a son, and at some point I believed it myself :). When, after a long and exhausting childbirth, I heard the magic: "It's a Girl!", I was the happiest in the world, despite the fact that I had "focused" on the boy before. The most important thing was that the Child was healthy. My colleague from work was right ... it was the most beautiful surprise in my life :). When we started talking, you said that I was the only person you know who decided not to find out the sex of the baby in her first pregnancy, but I must admit that it was the second child that made us more tempted to know - if only for organizational reasons.


Agnieszka: And what are the pros and cons of knowing the child's gender only at the time of birth?


Iwona: Every time I hear this question, I joke that I had more motivation during childbirth to push hard :). In fact, I have the impression that not knowing the sex of the child, parents have a double surprise at birth - they can finally meet and see their long-awaited Treasure, and find out if it is a boy or a girl. In addition, you can save a lot on a layette - by buying only the most necessary things, at the very beginning, instead of a few extra little dresses or elegant shirts :). They will definitely be well-thought-out purchases. Additionally, you can be sure that you will not experience a mistake, which happened to my friend who, convinced that she was carrying a son in her belly, gave birth to a beautiful daughter. The only downside in my opinion is the inability to plan everything from A to Z, which was quite difficult for me, especially in my second pregnancy (then the nesting syndrome is even stronger).


A short conversation with Asia, my friend, who met the first daughter's sex during a routine ultrasound examination, and decided to meet her second one only at delivery

Agnes: Asia, in the second pregnancy you decided not to learn the baby's sex until delivery, why such a change?


Asia: I got pregnant at a rather difficult moment for myself, it seemed to me then that it was even the worst possible. I was going through the first 4 months very badly. In addition, before the prenatal examination, the attending physician identified the possibility of a serious defect in the child. Although this defect was the norm at a given stage of pregnancy, try to explain it to the pregnant woman when the very word 'defect' causes panic. Baby's health was the most important to me.


It was during this difficult time for me that you gave me an entry on the Oh Deer Blog - "Why you should not know the sex of your child while pregnant”- so far I haven't thought about whether I want to know the gender or not, it was obvious that I would.


However, after reading the entry I thought that the gender of the child does not really matter. It will not change my situation, nor will my child be born with a defect or not.


When I dealt with my problems mentally, I approached the topic more out of curiosity. Before each visit to the doctor, I was wondering if I would ask about gender today - I was giving myself that opportunity. However, it turned out that in terms of knowing the sex, nothing changed - it was still not very important information for me and I never asked for it.


Like Iwona, I also enjoyed having friends who did not believe me, did not understand me and wanted to know the sex of my child more than I did.


Nevertheless, I was ready to give birth to a second Girl, so there was no element of surprise for me when I gave birth to my second Girl, but it would be if a Boy was born.



A short conversation with Emilia and Bartek, our friends who ...

Agnes: Bartek, I remember with what joy you informed us about your pregnancy, and interestingly, at the same moment you said that you were waiting for little Johnny, although it was still too early to find out the child's gender. However, your story is not that simple ...


Emilia and Bartek: We've been a couple for 10 years and we were very happy to hear that Emilia was pregnant after months of efforts. At the end of the first trimester of pregnancy, we learned from a doctor that he congratulated us on daughters. He expressed his opinion quite confidently, however he noted that on 100% he will decide about gender on the next visit. Despite the dose of uncertainty, we responded to the message as probably every family - we were happy about the birth of my daughter. Within a month, we chose a name for the child and began to speak to her by name. During the next examination we were very surprised when the doctor announced that it would be a boy. Currently, we are very happy with our little son, but for several days we had to get used to this thought and we felt as if someone took our little Alice from us - that was our daughter's name. Now we are looking forward to little Jas, but in the future we plan to have another child - maybe Alice. Our friends had a very similar situation, which is why we are convinced that situations of this kind occur quite often.


Emilia and Bartek today believe that it is worth knowing the child's gender, but only if the doctor is sure of his diagnosis.


How was it with us this time?

In the current pregnancy, from the very beginning my intuition told me that we were expecting a daughter. My premonition was so strong that under the influence of the above stories I seriously considered asking the doctor not to give us information about the child's sex, while Wojtek at all times thought that for him whether he knew sex during ultrasound examination in the second trimester of pregnancy, or during childbirth, is the same surprise, but getting to know her in advance will allow us to be better prepared. He laughed that if I do not want to know the sex of the Child before Birth, then we will agree with the doctor that he will only provide this information to Him, and I will have a surprise on the day of Birth.


You will know our personal story on Monday, there will also be a movie, so see you there!


How was it with you? Did you know your baby's gender while you were pregnant, or maybe only at birth? Or maybe you were waiting for a boy and a girl jumped out?

Leave a comment:

  • 01.07.2020

    the guy certainly would like to have a son and raise him in his own way. but it's hard to have 2 guys at home, nobody to talk to

  • 03.07.2017

    We were very curious and my husband even left the delegation to be on ultrasound and find out what will hatch there 😉 Although somehow we were not surprised - we had a feeling from the beginning that there would be a girl, and she should be there! Unless he will play a trick on us, but it would be unlikely 😉

    • 04.07.2017

      hihi no such a prank would have to be just an amazing experience 😉

  • Magdalena Tronow

    I look forward to hearing who you welcome in the world 🙂 I follow you on a regular basis, I read all posts 🙂 I am 10 weeks less pregnant than you, Dear Agnieszka, that's why I constantly check what's up with you and what can wait in the coming days and weeks 🙂

    We also wanted to know immediately, this is our first child and in order to organize the entire layette we decided that it would be more convenient. In addition, the great curiosity about who I carry under my heart was much stronger than the need for a surprise on the day of birth, but I really respect this decision and admire patience 🙂

    In mid-June, we organized a party for the closest family and friends, during which we opened a box from which a balloon with the inscription 'IT'S A BOY!' Popped out. It was a surprise for everyone, none of us knew what balloon was in the box - only the lady from the balloon shop opened the envelope from the doctor with sex.

    • 04.07.2017

      Thank you very much for all your delightful words 🙂
      The answer is already - did you see?
      Your balloon is beautiful <3 I couldn't help but tell my family as I already knew 🙂

    • Magdalena Tronow

      Of course I saw! I am very happy and I keep my fingers crossed for a happy solution <3 I hope that after giving birth you will share tips on how to raise boys, and at the beginning you will give some advice on how to nurture 😉

      I remember how hard it was to endure me for the first few weeks not to say that I was pregnant, which is why we decided that everyone would learn about the baby's sex at the same time 🙂

      I greet you warmly <3 <3

    • 04.07.2017

      oh yes, I also couldn't stand it at the beginning of pregnancy, it was so natural for me to talk about pregnancy that I was still slipping away somewhere 😉 yen, we will be four in a moment - I still can't think of it <3

  • Marta Marta

    Hey, we're in 2 pregnancy, I already have a 10 year-old daughter, I'm currently only in 8 week of pregnancy and there is no day that we do not talk about the sex of the child so much we would like to know if I have a daughter or a son in me ?! We would love to have a son but of course if a daughter will be born, we will love her more than life. I count the days to the ultrasound in which we will find out what I wear under my heart. The curiosity is so great that I could not withstand the day of delivery and I admire the girls who decided to do it. Bravo. Regards Marta

    • 04.07.2017

      Each of us is different 🙂 I also convinced my husband and I do not know what it is like to wait until delivery 🙂 unless the delivery will surprise us 😉

  • Agnieszka

    I admire you, Girls ... I wanted to immediately, I just had to know who I was carrying under my heart 🙂 I wouldn't stay so completely ignorant! Fortunately, I found a doctor who supposedly never makes a mistake 😉 And at 13 tc, during an ultrasound examination, he said: There will be a girl! Of course, he saw well ... in 39tc I gave birth to a beautiful daughter.

    • 04.07.2017

      Oh well very fast indeed! None of the doctors wanted to prophesy so quickly, unless he was afraid of a possible mistake and we always found out about 16-17tc with the clause that the sex will not change 😉

  • Monika MD

    I had amniocentesis and somehow I did not think to reserve the reluctance to know the gender, the fact that I saw the result of 46XX was the greatest amount of emotions I have ever experienced ...

    • 02.07.2017

      I think that this is not about reluctance to learn about sex, but about the descent of such a need into a very far track. As a result of your examination, you would really have to reserve this, but for me and my colleagues, each doctor asked if we already know gender and whether we want to know.

    • Monika MD

      I think I called it unfortunate 🙂 of course it is as you write, moreover, put a word to the heart 🙂 I know one thing, at the next day I think I would like a suprain 🙂 I hug you, you look beautiful!

    • 04.07.2017

      suprajs must be amazing, but it requires incredibly strong will 🙂 thank you: *

  • Natalia

    For me it was obvious to find out the gender of my children, the sooner the better (I found out in both cases in the 13th week). For me, it's just important to establish a bond with the belly, dreaming and imagining, I don't regret a penny for quite large layettes 😉 maybe because I generally don't like children, I had to know my little daughters "inside out" 😉

    • 02.07.2017

      For us, in the case of the older son, it was absolutely the same, but in the case of the next little one, somewhere the words of Iwona and Friend sounded somewhere in my ears, which decided to take the sex step only at birth.

  • 01.07.2017

    We saw no other option than knowing the sex of our children as soon as possible. It seems to me that then we identify more with this fact, we imagine shared moments, shared future. It was very important to us. It was the same with 1, 2 and now 3 is pregnant.

    • 02.07.2017

      Exactly as we did until we met Iwona and our friend decided not to get to know ... and how it ended with us, a video will tell about it tomorrow 🙂

  • Anna Szymik

    We are waiting for Iga, but somewhere in the back of my head I have thoughts that maybe it will turn out that Igusia is a boy 😉
    Nevertheless, I think that at the next pregnancy (if it is given to us) we will talk about this topic and consider whether we prefer a surprise 🙂

    Agnieszka, I found your blog a few days ago on the occasion of the post about running a layette on excel and that's how I stayed. Yesterday, I probably processed all the parenting posts and many of them helped me a lot in the process of creating a shopping list for our baby. The biggest problem of the last few days was my "cosmetic layette". I have read and listened a bit about it recently, and your entry "Cosmetics you don't need" only confirmed my belief that we do not buy any emollients or other specifics! It is a pity that people's awareness in this regard is so small! It's a waste of money and even more of a baby's skin.

    I will definitely come back here 🙂

    • 02.07.2017

      Anna, I am very glad that you found a place for me 🙂
      I am glad that fewer and fewer people trust completely the brands and inscriptions "Baby", when usually it is enough to turn the packaging and read the ingredients, check what it means to know that a given purchase is not only wasted money, but also nothing good for the skin.
      I laugh that the subject of the cosmetic layette is just the beginning of looking for the best solutions, soon there will be scarves / slings / hangers, paracetamol or ibuprofen, extending the diet after 4 or 6 months, kp or mm ... all this is extremely important, it is a pity that yes few people can calmly talk about it and exchange arguments 😉