I am not a superhero #1
I wanted to tell you today that I have the same as you ...
Although I like bright photos, smiling faces and order in the frame, perfectly planned weddings and quality at the highest possible level, though I'm trying to share with you all the positive and good things I have, it doesn't mean that ...
... I'm always smiling and cheerful, I'm not worried or sad, I don't have life disasters, motivational and life holes and big holes, that I have time for everything, never neglect the company, children or friends, I always look good, I have perfect order, I know the answer to everything and I never fail.
I also have bad days in my life, even weeks or months. I usually only close myself up in order to lick the wounds in a safe environment and come back to life, not on a shield, but with a shield in my hand.
All because I'm… not a superhero.
I am a person who has been exercising his mind and positive thinking every day for years, like others running or riding a bike ... by the way, I train it mainly because my brain is a lazy beast that is just waiting for my moment of forgetfulness ... me, even catastrophic thoughts.
Fall of form
I used to be afraid to write about more difficult moments here so as not to worry my colleagues or clients. I was afraid that my weaker moments would, consciously or not, translate into our cooperation, I was afraid of its effects.
Today, the decline of form seems to me the most natural thing in the world. I even think that we need more difficult time, just like the easier one.
This time, from the excess of events in the ass also got my health, first physical and later the second. However, I gave myself time to this sadness and right to feel bad. After all, how was I supposed to feel when I had to not only worry about myself and my children, but also give up my big career plan and cancel important plans? This is only what I can say here, the tangle of difficult events was enormous for me, but I will keep it only for my family, out of respect for its privacy.
The level of stress in our lives
you know stress level test in your life? You mark events that have taken place in your life during the last 12 months on the list. Events are ranked by the most stressful, and each is assigned a number of points. I like to do it every few years to get a better picture of what is happening in my life, to measure it all and organize it. When I was solving it a few months ago, I collected over 400 points ...
I also gave myself a deadline by which I can pull myself together - the end of August 2018. Until then, I allowed myself to smear myself at will, but I entered September with new plans for health and more.
It is also interesting that two months ago I could not imagine that I could slow down a bit. The night at SOR showed me how much I can and even must and you know what is the most important? That the world is not over!
Nobody took offense at me, nobody turned away from me, I didn't fail any important project, and I could fail those that I could fail.
Yyyyy, but why do I write all this?
I am writing to you to tell you that I HAVE SO MUCH.
I also have bad days, weeks and months and my life does not always look just like that our photos on Instagram - although I love Instagram, I know that these are just frames from our life movies. Your too. Frames that cannot be put together, or even a small trailer. We cannot forget it!
Don't get me wrong either, I have no regrets for not taking photos of themselves in difficult moments or not sharing them in social media - I'm absolutely ok with that, not everyone uploads photos right after waking up or writes about their own problems with infertility, a broken friendship, a crumbling marriage or a career on the turn, if only he does not feel like it. I I got out of the house the habit of reaching for the camera when I want to remember it for a while, because it is funny, special or beautiful and I put only the most beautiful photos in my memorial albumand I tore up the ugliest. Probably it is also influenced by the fact that I used to take about 36 photos a year - as many as the number of frames the film had and they were fully selected frames that I wanted to keep in my memory forever. I know that today we treat our Instagram mostly the same way.
I also believe that a change in life and my development is necessary, often so completely independent of us, unwanted, fearful at the very thought of it. And when it comes, it only saves me belief that although I can't see the whole picture today, it will definitely go to the good. Even if this good was primarily to be our development and life wisdom.
Do you know when I learned it? In the most difficult period of my life. I had to be able to continue living, because one thing is certain - I also know what it is like to be happy and I know how important it is to enchant your mind with good thoughts every day. I really believe that good thoughts bring us good things… bad thoughts too.
And I wanted to tell you today that if you are drowning your sorrows in a tea or glass of wine and you think that it doesn't happen to others, others always succeed, then know that I am the same as you and I know this hopelessness as much as you do. I have over 400 points on the stress scale and I have no idea how to lift this weight. I may feel worse and I give myself the right to do so.
I also know that each of us can get up and fight for ourselves. However, it is worth giving yourself time to sadness and regret that it is not what we would like that life gave us a nose again, instead of pouring champagne.
Instead of ordering a built-in wardrobe for the bathroom, I packed my family and we are just going to a small, white house in the countryside, licking wounds, enjoying ourselves, fishing and running barefoot on the grass. Happiness is not something that was yesterday or something I am waiting for tomorrow. Happiness can only be here and now.
The rainbow only comes out after the storm ... I'm just looking out for mine.