Where does indifference begin?

parenting blog raising a child

I have often written myself about how mothers terrorize each other, how to put their nose in them, criticize and dig up each other. But on the other hand, I still wonder where is the border between a terrorist mother and indifference?

Once, on one of the Facebook groups, there was a discussion about what to do when friends are feeding a newborn baby with milk from a carton? Increasingly, I ask myself whether to be indifferent when parents upload naked baby photos to the Internet? Allow your child to run naked outside? Or they want to pierce the ears of a baby for whom earrings are just incomprehensible pain and the risk of contracting some disease?

One thing is certain - how many people, so many borders. Decency, loyalty, sexuality, good taste. What is no longer certain is the answer to the question - where is the limit of human indifference? Where does clinging and sticking end, and where does concern for a man who cannot take care of himself begin?

It is very popular to say that "the mother knows what is best for the child", but is it really? I think it is more correct to say that "the mother wants the best for her child", but she does not always know how to achieve it. And knowledge, or rather the lack of it, is crucial here.

I myself made a lot of mistakes in caring for a child, wanting the best for my child, but not knowing how to achieve it. There is no school of "good parenting" and unfortunately the instinct combined with the lack of knowledge and many misleading messages coming from the world that is full of commerce is sometimes not enough to give the child the best.

Few of us know how to compose meals in a healthy way - I used the advice of a trusted dietitian myself, what ingredients to avoid in food products and why it is so important.

I can say that it is enough to read the labels and know what lies behind these not uncommonly complicated names and I am sure that every second person would throw half of the products out of their fridge, and certainly from the child's diet.

I can say that you only need to read about a young child's emotions to know that embarrassing them hurts the child, as well as making them feel guilty when they don't feel like eating. That the words "nothing happened" can lead a toddler to frustration, and in the long term to disturbances in the perception of signals from his own mind and body, to the feeling of being lost, because if nothing happened, when I was standing here the hell and crying! It hurts me, or maybe it doesn't, because I didn't hit myself when I fell off my chair, but I got scared! Because I'm sad or cold or I'm having a bad day. Because I do not understand.

I can say that there is more and more talk about the fact that slate is also beating, but somehow it is still not so clear to everyone.

I can say that knowledge lies on the sidewalk, but I know it is not. Because in order to reach for it you have to want. And in order to want, you need to realize that you don't know, or at least admit to yourself that you may not know, that maybe not everything is being done the best, and that you can still learn and become better. Do not follow someone else's ideals blindly, but read, talk and choose what is best for our family from the acquired knowledge.

Recognize that the mother may not always know what is best for her child, but may find out. Hence, let us not treat every conversation with different views on raising children as an attack, but a source of knowledge, exchanging views, which may sow a seed of uncertainty in us and motivate us to deepen our knowledge, and perhaps confirm that we do the best . And let's not discuss on the basis of emotions, "I think" or "my parents did that and I grew up to be a decent man, so this is a good method" or other finger-tipped dymals. Let's take care of a high-quality substantive discussion that will do us all good.

I look forward to your comments.

PS And if you want high-quality reading about parenting, perfect for the evening, for feeding or by the lake, I would like to recommend you to the latest issue of the ZNAK monthly, where you will learn, among other things, that:

"Education is about making mistakes,
it's just about committing them as little as possible
and try to fix them in time or,
if possible, withdraw from them. "

I have 35% discount for you on the newest magazine you can buy here by entering the rebate code: SPODKOCYKA. Just don't start reading when you have something important to do, because it will be lying fallow. I was lost ...

Monthly child education sign

Leave a comment:

  • storks

    Oh yes… difficult topic. Before I became a mother, I already had many theoretical answers to theoretical questions and many theoretical solutions to theoretical problems in my head. But when these questions and problems became reality, the answers and solutions were not so obvious. Just like you, girls, I like to talk to moms who have something smart to say, but they don't impose anything on me, I run away from such pushy people as much as I can. If I have a question or doubt, I ask, if not, it means that I do not need advice on this subject, but not everyone can respect it. I also try not to interfere, but if I see any blatant behavior towards a child, I try to convey it in a delicate way, and not attack (but despite my best efforts, it is not always well received).
    An anecdote from the last time - I go for a walk with my daughter and she fell asleep. And since our stroller folded flat does not protect against the sun in any way (I wrote about it some time ago), I make such a "screen" from a bamboo cover, I attach it with clips to the booth from the stroller. And since it is quite large, it protects the whole child nicely. While walking, I received a free comment from a passing gentleman that you do not go outside with your child to cover it up and take oxygen from it. 🙂

    • Ania Switzer

      I don't know about oxygen, but the sauna probably was 🙂

  • 15.06.2016

    Great text. You're right, it's not so obvious that a mother knows what's best for her baby. We often get lost in the enormity of available solutions, methods and theories, and if we add to this the fact that every child and every family is different and unique, then the matter becomes complicated in general. I think that a loving and wise mother looks for different solutions, does not follow blindly either fashion or the first better advice of her grandmothers or friends. A wise mom collects and filters information and uses it by watching her baby carefully. There is no mother who hasn't made mistakes, and those who claim to be infallible probably don't remember. I know mothers who can somehow humanly exchange their experiences with me, advise me in such a way that I do not feel that it is an attack. They share their knowledge and experience wisely, and I benefit from it. I also know people who, for "good advice", would like to scratch their eyes, because their "advice" is not based only on the fact that "it used to be like this" or "because my child was like that". Summarizing my lengthy comment - I think that sometimes it is worth simply talking to another mother, suggesting a different solution, but in such a way as not to offend her, so that our reason is not "mojana mojsza". A wise mom will think, match and benefit.

    • 15.06.2016

      As much as you, I appreciate such mothers with whom I can talk calmly, exchange knowledge, emotions, share my fears and not be judged. However, I run away from women who impose their vision of the world on me without respecting my opinion, especially since they are most often people repeating clichéd phrases, not exploring their knowledge, who do not have any arguments to support their theses except "because that's how you do, you don't know ? " or "because that's what everyone does" or your favorite "it has always been done". Cheers for wise moms and those who want to be wise 😉